yesterday was such an upsetting day... after tuition, tot finally can meet him le.... but who knows... at ard 1pm, he called... and ask me to go yishun mrt station @ between 2 - 2.30pm to meet him and benson for lunch... who knows, i 2.15pm still @ cyndi's hse... juz about to go.. he called... and scolded me... lots of vulgar words came blurting out of his mouth towards me... it hurts... and i chocked myself with tears... and he threatened to slap me when he reached... i dunno why... den i told him i dun wanna eat le... after putting down the phone i sob abit and went back to cyndi's hse... i do my maths and was really very angry... i felt so hurt, so angry... but i swallowed it anyway... den he came with benson.... and he asked me to go downstairs, bringing my bag with me... we sat under the block and he kept scolding me.... again... he said i did not fu4 chu1 for him... he said i treat him like my dog, meeting him whenever i am free... yes, he actually said tt... and it hurts a million times... those words cut through my heart... it cuts right through and it cuts deeply... it hurts more than anything... it really hurts... i tried to hold back my tears but it came rolling down anyway... i no longer can feel the hunger, no longer can feel the hurting gastric... i no longer can feel anything except the deep cut in my heart...

well, in the end, he said forget everything, do wat i wanna do, he wont ask me to change anymore and he did say sorry... i did not respond to any of his questions and he threatened to die...i dunno why also... and he knelt down... said sorry repeatedly... and he hugged me, tightly... asked me to cry out if i wan to... well, i really wan to but i remembered my promise to him last time tt i wont cry... i tried to keep the tears in... i no longer know how to look at him straight in his face anymore... guess this might have to take a long time to heal... a very long time indeed.... nevertheless, i still smile throughout the rest of the day...

Today
well, today nothing much happened... went to the hospital to visit my grandmother... feeling abit dizzy and headache... at ard 6-7pm went to northpoint to grab some stuff and den went to buy dinner... reached home called him but who know coincidentally, he called my hp den i pick up den he say i go buy things buy until so long make him so worried tot wat happened to me... den put down the phone, ate dinner... den he called again at ard 8pm... told him my head pain pain den he chased me to bed saying tt he'll give me a morning call tml.... hmm... well, tt's all for today lorz...

hmmmm.... so far so good nv really quarrel wif him... ok larz... tt day he scold me for giving him attitude... haiz... i mood swing marz... wat u wan me to do... and i've already give him warning be4 tt i will have mood swings he still say he can ren de... but in the end he saw he can't.... haiz....

sian lehz.... monday prelim le... upset leh... still nt in study mood... haiz... this time die for sure le larz... whole head so heavy, and blur and dizzy.... and sleepy... and blur... dunno wat to do also... so sad sia... maths maths... when can i pass? hmmm.... my result so poor no hope le larz... die le larz...

Touchin Story

Ever since the beginning..... The girl's family member disagree her relationship with the boy. Saying that because the boy is not good enough and unable to earn enough to take care of her, if she insist of being together with the boy, she'll suffer for her whole lifetime...

Because of the pressure applied by family members, she frequently quarrel with him. The girl does love the boy, she used to ask him: "How much do you love me?" Because the boy is not good with words, he used to make her angry. With additional comment from her parents, her mood get even worse. The boy, has become her "anger releasing target". And the boy, just silently allowed her to continuously release her anger on him...

Later, the boy graduated from University. He plan to further study overseas but before he left... He proposed to the girl... " I, don't know how to say nice words; but I do know that, I love you. If you agree, I am willing to take care of you, the whole life. About your family members, I will work hard to convince them and agree on us."

"Marry me, will you?", the girl agreed.

And her parents, looking at the effort shown by the boy, agreed with them.Finally, before the boy go oversea, they are engaged. The girl stay back
in the hometown, step into the working society; whereas the boy continuing his study oversea... They maintained their relationship through
telephone and letters. Although time is difficult to get through with, but both of them never give up.

One day, the girl left home for work as usual; on her way to the bus stop, a car lose control and knock her down. As she awake from unconsciousness, she saw her parents and realize how seriously... she got hurt and how fortunate of her, not to get killed.

Looking at her parents, with their faced got all wet by their tears, she tried to comfort them. But then, she found out.... She can't even spell out a word, she tried her best to make some voice but all she managed, was to breath without any voice. She's mute... According to the doctor, the injury affected her brain, and that cause her to be mute for the rest of her life. Listening to her parents persuade, but can't even reply with a single word, the girl collapsed... Throughout the days, others than
crying silently, still it is crying...

Later, the girl discharged from hospital. Returning to her home, everything is still like before. Except that the phone ring, has turned into the worst nightmare of hers. Ring after ring, continuously
stimulate her, stimulating her pain... But she can't tell the boy. She don't want to be a burden to him, and wrote him a letter... Telling him that she no
longer want to wait, the relationship between them ended, and even returned him the engagement ring. Facing the letters and telephone from
the boy, all she can do, is to allow tears falling from her eyes...

Her father decided to move, after seeing the pain she is suffering. Hoping that she could forget everything and be happier... Changing to a new
environment, the girl started to learn, slowly picking up sign language and start over again... Also telling herself to forget the boy...

One day, her best friend tell her that the boy's back. He's searching all around for her, she asked her best friend not to tell him about her and
asked him to forget her.Later... There's never news about the boy, for more than a year. Her best friend tells her, that the boy is getting
married soon, and passed the Wedding Card to her. She open the card sadly, but she found her name on the card.

The moment she want to ask her best friend, the boy appear in front of her. With an unfamiliar sign language, he told her.... " I spent more than a year's time, to force myself to learn sign language, in order to tell you, I have not forget our promise, give me a opportunity, let me be your voice."

" I L O V E Y O U."

Looking at the slow sign language by the boy, and the engagement ring she gave back to him... She finally smiled.

Treat every love as last love... and only then, know how to give... Treat every day as last day... and only then, learn how to appreciate... Don't
ever give up as God never give up from loving you!!!

Dear friends...to all guys and girls...this is how love should be...not be a coward and run away whenever there is a problem...remember that every problem has a solution...never ever break someone's heart...you may not know when it will happen to u!!!

i really dunno what's happening... got scolded.....again~... i told u i wearing school uniform already lorz before i went down... u said it's ok... u said nvm... and now? you scolding me for tt...i didnt bring any clothes with me coz we agreed on u coming down... we agreed on tt in the morning.. it's a last min change of mind for me to go down... and u're angry coz i nv bring any clothes down?
 u said i nv change... said tt again~? i changed alot... alot for u and here u are saying tt to me? *hold on, he calls...*

mood swings...? wat is tis? scold le than say sorry... can i ever do the same to u? NO lorz...~! how i wished tt iwasnt even born... how i wished tt i'm not siping... how i wished tt i'm dead... den i dun hav to face  all these craps, all these troubles... ArRrRGGggg~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

heart aches alot... alot... very painful...
i love him so much and yet he said i dun love him enough... compares me to all the other girls...
you should know right from the start tt i am different from them... you should know tt very well...
you always said i hurt you... actually you hurt me almost as deep as i hurt u and u hurt me even more times...
i kept everything here in my heart... lock it up safely in tt corner of my heart.. tried to keep it there locked up nicely, waiting to be forgotten... i did alot of things behind u, solved lots of my own problems coz i dun wan you to worry...you know it's not good for u to worry.. and i'm trying everything i can to not let u worry... but sometimes i accidentally left out a few which made u worry for me... nv wan you to know wat i did for u... but you forced it all out of me tonight...

i really cant feel ur love anymore since  sat night which we quarrelled... till today, last night a new problem arise, i lose confidence to solve it or to make the right choice... i tried to ask u lots of times today, do you love me? i need your confident ans to boost my confidence on my judgement... but i nv did ask for i know ur ans... i find it more meaningful if u were to say it out urself... i tried to hint u... but when u say who are you to me, it hurts alot... when you said i cannot do all those things i am not fit to be ur darling, it hurts even more... here i am, trying to solve the big big problem and there you are, saying all those... i guess it's not ur fault for i did not tell u... tt i dun blame u... all i wan to know is whether u still love me like before... if you totally hav no more feelings, i guess i hav to let go, afterall, it's no use keeping u by my side w/o ur heart here...

it hurts~.... alot... believe me...